Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I think one of the most depressing places you can be is a world devoid of anything to look forward to. Knowing who I am I don't think I'll ever be there. As long as you are a person creating, innovating, or just plain moving you should always have something to look forward to. Birthdays, holidays, marriages, future families, future adventures, future living spaces, etc etc etc. You can break it down by the day, but as long as you have something to look forward to you should be smiling. If you honestly have nothing to look foward to though, do something.

Within the next few hours I have a feverish, bedridden, girlfriend to comfort. I'm very excited to be seeing her. Not because she's sick, but because I know she'll be smiling when I bring her egg flower soup. Sick or not, the angles from the corner of her smiling lips to her softly raised eyebrows will be the same. The same beautifully caring, softly flirtatious smile that is just beaming "I love you!" all over. I'm glad to be there to see her and I'm more elated that she'll be comforted when I get there. I look forward to spending time with her tonight.

I've never met anyone that I can spend an entire day with start to finish, hold through the night, dream about till morning, and wake up to repeat that same sequence. When we get multiple days together I look forward to that on repeat. I look forward to waking her up in the middle of the night with a barrage kisses just do it again when I wake her up in the morning.

I look forward to her sitting on my pianostool and us making music together. Alexis has a voice that can keep up with a 6 foot grand piano, not a lot of people can do that. She has all the intensity necessary to love, deal with, and keep up with me. If I fall apart, she will do everything she can to put me back together. In these regards she is the strongest woman I've ever spent time with. That ethereal component is what solidifies our connection. We can handle this brand of  intensity because that's just who we are.

It is so refreshing to not be piloting anything. I'm not giving orders. I'm not being the only source of stimulus in this relationship. I'm fucking inspired! New ideas fall out of the sky when I play piano and think about you. I put on a tie in the morning and think "I bet Alexis would like this outfit, oooh yeah!!". It's not give and take, it's I give, you give, we give to each other, we keep giving, loving, yearning, hugging, and living. It's mutually beneficial companionship at it's finest.

I was worried for a great deal of time I'd always be leading. I'm so thankful I have a hand to hold at my side, as opposed to pulling someone by the hand behind me. It's wonderful, and it's something we both deserve.

For years I'll have something to look forward to, and that's you babe.

1 comment:

alexis julian. said...

Ohhh, this just makes me beam.

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